you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize