allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
