And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
