Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
