Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize