Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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