How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
