im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
