Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
