I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My bed smells like the plague
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
