I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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