He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
