it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
