For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
