I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
