Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
