Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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