Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
