he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
