I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
