I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's always time for handjobs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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