i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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