Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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