Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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