unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
