is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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