Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
