I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
