I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
