I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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