we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
