the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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