Can Purell be used as lube?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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