I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We talked him into tasing himself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
