yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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