i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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