And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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