Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
