escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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