Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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