This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
