I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
