i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
