It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
