I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
