The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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