ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize