i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
