so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
