In the future we'll all be gay
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
