you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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