Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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