Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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