bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
