need another drink. this is the easiest way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
