I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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