Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
