i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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