i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
