i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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