I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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