well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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