i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
