you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
