If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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