lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
