I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
