Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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