i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
