Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
